A day to go down in history
Today is a day that will go down in history. It is the day that The Duchess (Kate) has gone into labour. It has been on the telly all day. Me personally I am finding it very hard as I have had some bad news. Even though I thought I prepared myself I am finding it so hard. I keep welling up. In the consultants room I burst into tears. Today is Monday 22nd July 2013 and at 9.00am I sat in the gynaecology/antenatal waiting room at Frimley Park Hospital. By 9.15am I am getting even more nervous and by 9.30am I got my husband to see why my appointment was so late as it was the first appointment of the day. At 9.35am we were called in to see the consultant. They had spent all morning looking for my file that seemed to have gone walkabouts.
They did find the file about 9.45am. I mentioned about the confusion about my smear test and showed her the 2 contradicting letters. She said she will find out about that as it is not normal for the letter to say everything is normal but they want to do further investigations. I did say I would rather not do it if possible as that sort of thing causes me severe pain and that is why I had to go under anaesthetic when I had my HyCoSy. She had a look at my results of my HyCoSy. She said that one tube was blocked and one was not blocked. I straight away asked if the blocked one was my left tube, which it was. She asked how I knew and I explained that during both laparoscopies they have said that that is the one that looked swollen. She continued to say that with this I am at a higher risk of an ectopic pregnancy.
As I am not ovulating she suggested I could go on medication to make me ovulate but there is a risk of an ectopic pregnancy. They cannot guarantee that the right tube is healthy. Another option is to have the damaged tube removed. It is up to me. I asked what the percentage of the ectopic pregnancy was. She said she did not know off the top of her head but it could be as high as 15% but I should not quote her on that. After a lot of uming and areing I said I would like to take the risk of the medication as I did not want to risk another operation after what happened at the beginning of the year. She asked if I wanted to wait another 3 weeks to make the decision and I said no it was clear in my mind what I wanted to do. After a discussion about the medication she agreed to give me 2 months’ worth and see how it went. If I did get pregnant I would be under the high risk category ad they would give me a scan at the earliest possible point (6weeks).
She ten looked into my notes and said due to my severe Endometriosis she did not want to prescribe me the medication as my Endometriosis on its own could cause an ectopic pregnancy so that now the chances are even higher and she has a duty of care. She said that she would be happier if I saw my normal consultant as he is more senior and would know what to do. It may be he wants me to try the medication but then he may not want to risk that but may want to risk removing the tube. I think because of all my complication I am probably going to have to make sure that I get to see him rather than the others in his clinic. Whomever I see always have to ask him about something to do with my treatment. Unfortunately he is on holiday for 2 weeks as of today. We now have an appointment with him on 19th August at 9.00am. Before then I have been asked to do another “day21” progesterone blood test to be done tomorrow and then repeated again on Monday (day 27). I tell you my skin must be like a sieve with amount of needles I have had in me this year. I am surprised my blood does not just leak out.
It may be decided that IVF is needed. I asked how many IVF treatments we get on the NHS. She said she thinks it is only one but is unsure. She also said that if we do go down the IVF route they may want to remove my tube.
It is just bad news after more bad news at the moment. Today I am feeling really down. I know that it is good news that Kate has had a healthy baby boy, but I just keep thinking why not me? Why can I not have my healthy baby now? Have I not waited enough? Been through enough already? Everyone keeps telling me I would make a great mum so why can I not get a chance to show them exactly what a good mum I can be? How can someone just open her legs and the have 4 kids and not give a damn about them as she leaves them only to have another child with someone else. All the time not seeing her other 4 children and me not be able to have even a scare of pregnancy? What have I done to deserve this? I have decided this month I am not going to monitor my temperature or use home ovulation tests (the consultant the other day said they are a waste of time and money anyway – which must be true as they say I am ovulating even though I am not). It’s time to just go back to basics. That is until I get to see my consultant.
I am so fed up it is Saturday 27th July 2013. That’s 8 days since my HyCoSy. Every day since then I have had pains. On the Friday of my HyCoSy I had spotting and no pain. On Saturday I had slight aches about a level 2 ½ on both sides going up to a level 3 ½ to 4 with my belly swelling. The swelling went down and the pain/ache level went back to 2 ½. I also had a bit of spotting. This went on until Monday. I thought it was easing.
On Tuesday the constant pain level went to a 3 or 4 with the belly swelling and pain level going to a 5 or 6. It would not ease on its own and I had to take 2 Paracetamol and 1 Ibuprofen ti then took 30-40 minutes to kick in. My spotting still happening. The same Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Each day the spotting seemed to be getting heavier. As you can imagine by Friday I was starting to get more and more irritated. Every night since this flare up started I have been waking up in pain in the middle to early hours of the night/morning.
This morning I woke up about 3am to go to the loo, my spotting has got heavier so today instead of a panty liner I have had to use a pad. The pain was back to a 3. Now the pain is going up again it is already a 5 on my right side. My pelvis is about a 5 ½ to a 6. My stomach is not swollen though, which is good. I have not had bread since Wednesday as I wonder if it is causing the swelling. I think it is working. I am just fed up of the constant pain. My view is if I am like this now on one of my normally better weeks of my cycle what the hell is it going to be like next week? I am due on my period on Thursday and now dreading it.
I received a letter from the hospital the other day just about the appointment I had last Monday. It just says that the Hysterosalpinogram revealed a patent right fallopian tube but the left tube appeared to be blocked with a large hydrosalpinx. I also have anovulatory cycles. It goes on to say that we discussed the option of ovulation induction; however there is a significant risk of having an ectopic pregnancy. Therefore she has offered me another appointment to discuss further management with my actual gynaecologist as he is of a more senior position and I should just see him.
Well the spotting after my HyCoSy went on right u to when my period started on Sunday (3 days later than expected). Started off light, yesterday it was medium flow and today back to light but all four days have been very painful. I swear they are getting worse. I keep saying to myself just wait until my appointment on the 19th, then I get a letter from the hospital when I got home from work today saying:-
“Due to unforeseen circumstances it has been necessary to change your hospital appointment”.
It has been moved to 9th September. It is a good job we decided not to go on holiday this year as that was when we were thinking of going. Talking of holidays I bet that is what the “unforeseen circumstances” are he is on holiday again. I guess I will never know that for sure though.
Today I am feeling better. Only had one Ibuprofen and two Paracetamol last night to help me sleep. I managed yesterday to go without any painkillers but I did struggle a bit with it today no painkillers and only a bit of an ache nothing major. Also when I go to the loo no agony. All this week when I get the urge for a bowel movement I have had shooting pain on my side going round to my back. It has also been so bad I cannot go. Other times I am just constipated. I also got the pain when I went for a wee but not as often as when I have a bowel movement. Even though I did not feel bloated I must have been because when I took of my tracksuit bottoms (we have been deep cleaning at work all week) I noticed a deep ridge mark as though they were too small which they are not. Now I have changed into my PJ’s the mark has gone.
Today I received a letter from my gynaecologist saying he was sorry he was an annual leave when I had my follow up appointment on 22nd July 2013. The letter goes on to say that he received the results of my Hysterosalpinogram and my progesterone blood test.
My progesterone blood tests taken on 23rd and 29th July were 8 and 19 respectively. This probably means that I am not ovulating. It is likely that I will be helped to ovulate by taking Clomiphene tablets. He said that he will discuss this with me further when I go to see him for a further follow up appointment which is not 9th September. He ended the letter with a nice ending saying:-
“In the meantime I wish you good health and good luck with trying to conceive naturally”
I think this was a lovely touch to the letter it makes it more personal and even if he copies and pastes it on all of his letters. Which I doubt it as I have not had it on any of my other letters from him it makes it sound like he actually cares and that I am not just a number or statistic.
I cannot wait for my appointment on 9th September when we discuss about me going on Clomiphene. Maybe within 6 months (hopefully by the end of the year) I will be pregnant
They did find the file about 9.45am. I mentioned about the confusion about my smear test and showed her the 2 contradicting letters. She said she will find out about that as it is not normal for the letter to say everything is normal but they want to do further investigations. I did say I would rather not do it if possible as that sort of thing causes me severe pain and that is why I had to go under anaesthetic when I had my HyCoSy. She had a look at my results of my HyCoSy. She said that one tube was blocked and one was not blocked. I straight away asked if the blocked one was my left tube, which it was. She asked how I knew and I explained that during both laparoscopies they have said that that is the one that looked swollen. She continued to say that with this I am at a higher risk of an ectopic pregnancy.
As I am not ovulating she suggested I could go on medication to make me ovulate but there is a risk of an ectopic pregnancy. They cannot guarantee that the right tube is healthy. Another option is to have the damaged tube removed. It is up to me. I asked what the percentage of the ectopic pregnancy was. She said she did not know off the top of her head but it could be as high as 15% but I should not quote her on that. After a lot of uming and areing I said I would like to take the risk of the medication as I did not want to risk another operation after what happened at the beginning of the year. She asked if I wanted to wait another 3 weeks to make the decision and I said no it was clear in my mind what I wanted to do. After a discussion about the medication she agreed to give me 2 months’ worth and see how it went. If I did get pregnant I would be under the high risk category ad they would give me a scan at the earliest possible point (6weeks).
She ten looked into my notes and said due to my severe Endometriosis she did not want to prescribe me the medication as my Endometriosis on its own could cause an ectopic pregnancy so that now the chances are even higher and she has a duty of care. She said that she would be happier if I saw my normal consultant as he is more senior and would know what to do. It may be he wants me to try the medication but then he may not want to risk that but may want to risk removing the tube. I think because of all my complication I am probably going to have to make sure that I get to see him rather than the others in his clinic. Whomever I see always have to ask him about something to do with my treatment. Unfortunately he is on holiday for 2 weeks as of today. We now have an appointment with him on 19th August at 9.00am. Before then I have been asked to do another “day21” progesterone blood test to be done tomorrow and then repeated again on Monday (day 27). I tell you my skin must be like a sieve with amount of needles I have had in me this year. I am surprised my blood does not just leak out.
It may be decided that IVF is needed. I asked how many IVF treatments we get on the NHS. She said she thinks it is only one but is unsure. She also said that if we do go down the IVF route they may want to remove my tube.
It is just bad news after more bad news at the moment. Today I am feeling really down. I know that it is good news that Kate has had a healthy baby boy, but I just keep thinking why not me? Why can I not have my healthy baby now? Have I not waited enough? Been through enough already? Everyone keeps telling me I would make a great mum so why can I not get a chance to show them exactly what a good mum I can be? How can someone just open her legs and the have 4 kids and not give a damn about them as she leaves them only to have another child with someone else. All the time not seeing her other 4 children and me not be able to have even a scare of pregnancy? What have I done to deserve this? I have decided this month I am not going to monitor my temperature or use home ovulation tests (the consultant the other day said they are a waste of time and money anyway – which must be true as they say I am ovulating even though I am not). It’s time to just go back to basics. That is until I get to see my consultant.
I am so fed up it is Saturday 27th July 2013. That’s 8 days since my HyCoSy. Every day since then I have had pains. On the Friday of my HyCoSy I had spotting and no pain. On Saturday I had slight aches about a level 2 ½ on both sides going up to a level 3 ½ to 4 with my belly swelling. The swelling went down and the pain/ache level went back to 2 ½. I also had a bit of spotting. This went on until Monday. I thought it was easing.
On Tuesday the constant pain level went to a 3 or 4 with the belly swelling and pain level going to a 5 or 6. It would not ease on its own and I had to take 2 Paracetamol and 1 Ibuprofen ti then took 30-40 minutes to kick in. My spotting still happening. The same Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Each day the spotting seemed to be getting heavier. As you can imagine by Friday I was starting to get more and more irritated. Every night since this flare up started I have been waking up in pain in the middle to early hours of the night/morning.
This morning I woke up about 3am to go to the loo, my spotting has got heavier so today instead of a panty liner I have had to use a pad. The pain was back to a 3. Now the pain is going up again it is already a 5 on my right side. My pelvis is about a 5 ½ to a 6. My stomach is not swollen though, which is good. I have not had bread since Wednesday as I wonder if it is causing the swelling. I think it is working. I am just fed up of the constant pain. My view is if I am like this now on one of my normally better weeks of my cycle what the hell is it going to be like next week? I am due on my period on Thursday and now dreading it.
I received a letter from the hospital the other day just about the appointment I had last Monday. It just says that the Hysterosalpinogram revealed a patent right fallopian tube but the left tube appeared to be blocked with a large hydrosalpinx. I also have anovulatory cycles. It goes on to say that we discussed the option of ovulation induction; however there is a significant risk of having an ectopic pregnancy. Therefore she has offered me another appointment to discuss further management with my actual gynaecologist as he is of a more senior position and I should just see him.
Well the spotting after my HyCoSy went on right u to when my period started on Sunday (3 days later than expected). Started off light, yesterday it was medium flow and today back to light but all four days have been very painful. I swear they are getting worse. I keep saying to myself just wait until my appointment on the 19th, then I get a letter from the hospital when I got home from work today saying:-
“Due to unforeseen circumstances it has been necessary to change your hospital appointment”.
It has been moved to 9th September. It is a good job we decided not to go on holiday this year as that was when we were thinking of going. Talking of holidays I bet that is what the “unforeseen circumstances” are he is on holiday again. I guess I will never know that for sure though.
Today I am feeling better. Only had one Ibuprofen and two Paracetamol last night to help me sleep. I managed yesterday to go without any painkillers but I did struggle a bit with it today no painkillers and only a bit of an ache nothing major. Also when I go to the loo no agony. All this week when I get the urge for a bowel movement I have had shooting pain on my side going round to my back. It has also been so bad I cannot go. Other times I am just constipated. I also got the pain when I went for a wee but not as often as when I have a bowel movement. Even though I did not feel bloated I must have been because when I took of my tracksuit bottoms (we have been deep cleaning at work all week) I noticed a deep ridge mark as though they were too small which they are not. Now I have changed into my PJ’s the mark has gone.
Today I received a letter from my gynaecologist saying he was sorry he was an annual leave when I had my follow up appointment on 22nd July 2013. The letter goes on to say that he received the results of my Hysterosalpinogram and my progesterone blood test.
My progesterone blood tests taken on 23rd and 29th July were 8 and 19 respectively. This probably means that I am not ovulating. It is likely that I will be helped to ovulate by taking Clomiphene tablets. He said that he will discuss this with me further when I go to see him for a further follow up appointment which is not 9th September. He ended the letter with a nice ending saying:-
“In the meantime I wish you good health and good luck with trying to conceive naturally”
I think this was a lovely touch to the letter it makes it more personal and even if he copies and pastes it on all of his letters. Which I doubt it as I have not had it on any of my other letters from him it makes it sound like he actually cares and that I am not just a number or statistic.
I cannot wait for my appointment on 9th September when we discuss about me going on Clomiphene. Maybe within 6 months (hopefully by the end of the year) I will be pregnant