Can I restart 2015 again please
I woke up New Years’ Eve feeling rough as. My head was thick (as though I had had a heavy drinking session the night before). I was very tired as I had been up in pain all night until about 6.00am. I felt so sick. I had to get up and dressed to go to Frimley Park Hospital to have a blood test done to test for Rubella as when I had all my blood tests done for the IVF referral for some reason this one had not been processed. Last blood test of 2014.
Knowing that I am to be out that night to celebrate the New Year coming in with friends and family I had an afternoon nap totalling my sleep to about 4 hours. If I am completely honest I could have done without going out I still felt nauseous and tired. I could easily have sat at home with a cup of Horlicks, my duvet and watch the New Year come in on the television. But I made the effort. I got dressed up, make up to hide the pale tired look (I do not normally wear make-up but felt I had to hide the sick look to stop the questions coming). I did say that I would see how I got on and if I got too bad I would go home, I was not drinking anyway. I had my painkillers and heat pads in my bag which were needed. I did bloat out and at one stage I felt like I was going to be sick but I was not, thankfully.
About 11.30pm I started to feel a tad better and by the time midnight came I was up on the dancefloor having a really good time. It was a really good night with great company. We got home about 2.00am and in bed after 3.00am
About 5.30am I did have really bad pains in my pelvis, abdomen going round to my lower back and bum cheeks. I managed to get the pain under control with Naproxen, Paracetamol and heat pads. I then dozed until 10:45am before getting out of bed. When I got up I felt so good and full of energy. Long may it continue!
I am back to work after 33 days off (a mixture of sick and holiday). Last night I got home at 8.45pm my kidneys were very sore and I had to take a naproxen to ease the pain enough so that I could get some sleep. I managed to get a full night’s sleep right up to about 4.00am from which I just dozed off for short amounts of time right up to 7.00am, when it was time to get up and ready for work.
My pain was at a low level right up to about 10.00am when it started to get worse again and when I went for a wee about lunchtime it hit a 7 or 8 on the pain scale. On the way home I dropped a urine sample to my GP as requested when I rang her this morning. The pain has been going on now constantly since the 5th December 2014. Even though the pain has still been there I have kept putting off calling them, but this morning I finally done it. Even as I was dialling the number I felt that I could just be wasting their time. I did tell the doctor that I was not sure if it was worth calling of not. She offered me an appointment as this long after antibiotics in pain is not normal but the time she offered I could not get out of work so she asked me to drop a sample off for her to test. I am now just waiting for a phone call from her to tell me if the sample of clear of not. I have two long 11 hour shifts Friday and Saturday. Just hope I can keep my pain levels under control especially as my period was due on the 6th January and it is now the 8th January. Anyway it cannot be as bad as last month surely.
The doctor rang me back about 7.00pm she said that whilst the sample I gave was not bad it is not good either. There is an infection there the good news is that it is not raging like it was before Christmas. The infection levels are almost the same as what they were last time I saw the doctor. She has written a prescription for yet more antibiotics that I need to pick up first thing in the morning. If I get worse or still not feeling right by the time I have finished the course of antibiotics then I have to call back and she will see me.
Today is the 8th January 2015 and I was sent home from work with this infection on 5th December 2014 that’s a whole month with this infection. This really needs to do one.
Today I made it into work and right up to 6:10pm when the pain was too much and during service I had to rush to the toilet and was sick. Obviously dealing with food I was sent home after this. I drove home but I had to stop at my mums because I could not cope with the pain and felt so sick again. I deemed it dangerous to continue driving (especially as I was driving down the duel carriageway). I let myself into my mums and said to mum that I could not drive anymore. She asked why and took one look at me as I walked through the door, she asked if I wanted an ambulance. I remember muttering I do not know and the next thing I remember is rushing down to the bathroom and was sick again. Mum called my husband, however he was unable to drive as he had had a drink but was with a friend’s son who kindly drove us to Accident and Emergency by which time I was in agony.
In Accident and Emergency they gave me Basipam, anti-sickness and morphine injection, which made my pain go from off the scale right down to a bearable 2. However it was not before long when the pain started to creep back up again. They done an X-ray on my stomach. The blood tests they took showed a raised white blood cell count which means that there is an infection about however a urine test did not they said that this could be down to the antibiotics that I have been taking. They were unsure if this was an infection or to do with my endometriosis or both. They wanted to do am internal examination. I warned them that I find these extremely painful on a normal day. The gynaecologist asked me if I had ever had Equinox (Gas and Air) with an examination I said that I had not and I was willing to try anything. I had the internal examination with the Equinox and although it was sore I could tolerate the pain either that or the Equinox made me not give a flying monkeys about it. The examination was clear.
By now the pain had gone crazy and I was begging for pain relief. They had given me the maximum Oramorph that they could. I was also given other painkillers that took the edge off but still I was very sore.
I am now in in the Surgical Unit and just seen the doctor. He done an internal rectal examination and said that all was clear. He wants to do scans on my kidneys, and ovaries as they still are unsure if it is a gynaecological problem (in other words to do with my endometriosis), a strong kidney infection that just needs stronger antibiotics and was undertreated, an infection somewhere else or kidney stones. He said that because of my complex medical history it is hard to find out what is going on but what is clear is that something is not right at all.
He said that he will make sure that I have enough painkillers/relief to get me through the night and tomorrow I will have my scan. This is crazy I would never have thought back on the 5th December that the infection I had would have led to this another night stay in hospital.
Yesterday they were telling me that I was showing signs of a gynaecological problem, kidney infection or kidney stones but not all of the signs pointed to just one thing. I had my ultra sound scan and it showed that all this is down to my endometriosis. I have got a 9cm endometrioma on my left ovary. I am on IV antibiotics still just in case if I have also got an infection as well. It looks like I am going to have to have yet ANOTHER operation. My gynaecologist came to see me and he said that it depends on what happens when they go inside me on how drastic of an operation I will need. He wanted to transfer me up to the gynaecology ward, however there was no free beds so was put on the maternity ward (still to do with the gynaecology ward). I was the only one in the bay when I came up to the ward, now there are 2 others. They said that there are no antenatal women in this bay, it is being used as an overflow bay but saying that there are antenatal women on the ward. I am now once again Nil-By-Mouth and waiting for my gynaecologist to come and see me this morning.
The pain last night and this morning has been awful. Nothing they have given me seems to be easing the pain at all even heating up Penny Panda has not helped. Eventually we managed to get the pain back under control. The nurses are doing a brilliant job. I have had some lactulose and a suppository to hopefully help me to have a bowel movement. I have finally had a very small pellet like one but small is better than nothing.
I am waiting for my operation now. They moved me yesterday into a side room so they could re-open the bay I was in for antenatal again as the other 2 people that were in the bay with me were discharged.
When my gynaecologist came to see me he said that because of what happened last time they treated a cyst on me, he would like to do as minimal as possible so not to cause any complications. He will drain and the cyst. He has also suggested that it may be a good idea to put me on a hormone suppressant injection to be on until we start the IVF. This sounds like a good idea to me.
I am home finally home after 4 days in hospital. I was told in the morning that I could go home. I just needed to wait for my discharge papers, tablets from pharmacy and we decided to put me back on the Prostrap injection. I have been signed off work for 2 weeks and if I need longer then I just need to go to my GP and ask. My throat is a bit sore so I have got some throat sweats this is due to the tubes that they put down the throat during the anaesthetic. I have been prescribed Paracetamol, codeine phosphate 30mg, ibuprofen 400mg, Movicol and lactulose. The doctor said that I should leave it a couple more days without a bowel movement then I should go to my GP. If I starts showing signs of sickness and pain like before then I should go to accident and emergency straight away. She advised me to air on the side of caution more than she would advise anyone else because of my history.
All of my tablets arrived in the afternoon, however the pharmacy did not have any Prostrap so they had to contact my gynaecologist to change the injection to Zoladex.
The pharmacy took their time with the Zoladex because of getting the change of prescription and to be honest pharmacy are never quick about getting the prescriptions out. When it finally arrived in the late afternoon we had to wait for a doctor to inject it as a nurse could not.
Finally when a gynaecologist arrived (one that I have not had before) to do the injection he told me that it had to go into my stomach. I asked as I had just had my operation if it could go into my right side. My stomach was bloated and sore from the operation so I was very nervous about this one, also because I do not like people touching my stomach at the best of times let alone when they are about to stick a needle into it. Normally I am ok with injections after all I have had enough blood tests, cannulas, and injections in the last few years to last me a lifetime. I held my husbands hand during this one, the gynaecologist told me that it would be a quick short sharp scratch. HE LIED!!!!!! I would rather of him tell me that it is going to hurt than lie. I never call out with injections in fact I never even flinch. But with this injection I did both when he inserted it and when he removed the needle. This injection actually brought a tear to my eye. I looked up at the wrong time and saw the needle. I did not want to see it as I knew that I am going to have to have this monthly. I wish I had never seen the bloody thing it is HUGE. There was no way that this injection was going to be a short sharp scratch even my husband said that he would have struggled with that one. The midwife that had been looking after me during the day came in after the doctor had left to see if I was OK. My side room was right next to the nurse’s station. She said that she heard a woman call out and wondered if it was one of her ladies that had started labour. OOOPS!!! I did not realise I called out that loud. Anyway all in all I am ok now just sore on both my left and right side now instead of just my left side.
It is so good to be back home with my husband and Fernando I feel more tired this morning and drained than I have done but I think it is more to do with having to go up and down the stairs when I need the loo. It is so hard to be good and not over doo things at home, because I am not feeling sick in fact I am feeling more myself than I have done in a long time. I did not realise how bad I was feeling until now. But I know that I must behave myself or I shall do some damage and end up back in hospital if I am not careful.
My gynaecologist told me that our request for NHS funding has been accepted and approved. I am so happy words cannot explain how over the moon I am about this.
I cannot remember if I mentioned earlier about what my gynaecologist said he found when he operated on me. Just in case I did not I shall say now but apologise if I am repeating myself.
The 9cm cyst on my left ovary was full of 1 litre of fluid which he drained and deroofed. There is a high chance that it shall fill up again how quickly they do not know, baring in mind this had only taken 4 months to get to this stage. On top of this my endometriosis in the last 4 months (since my clear out in September 2014) has got really bad and severe. He could have cleared out out whilst sorting out the cyst but for several reasons he chose not to touch it.
Reason 1 – The operation would have been a much bigger operation that would have taken longer to heal which in turn could more than likely delay the IVF process.
Reason 2 – The last time I had a large cyst and clear out was in 2013 when I had my complications with my bowel so there is a risk that I would have a repeat of that again. If complications like that happen again then the IVF will certainly delay the IVF. Also there is no way that I would want to go through that again I would not even wish it upon my worst enemy.
I know that at some point I will need to have this endometriosis cleared up and it will be a big operation, but not just yet. This is why I am on the Zoladex give my body a rest before the IVF starts. The reassurance of my endometriosis this quickly is apparently unusual especially for it to be this severe so early after my last laparoscopy.
I must admit now that it does worry me that I may not get on well with the IVF treatment. I have had a brief look into what IVF entails. The first part I doubt I would have a problem with because they dull down your hormones like I am on now, however the next stage I am worried about because I fear that it could make me ill again. You take hormones to increase the production of eggs. This part scares me because I am worried that the hormones will affect my endometriosis, in a bad way. Fingers crossed that it does not and that I will be able to complete the IVF course without being too sick and hopefully it resulting with having a successful pregnancy that gives us a healthy baby this is the last chance saloon, before we give up and go down the adoption route. Some people would ask why not call it a day now? Why not just adopt now? Why keep putting your body though this? Well the answer is simple!!!! We have come so far and been through so much to just give up now. If we said enough is enough now then what has all this been for?
Another way to put it is why would you read a book but stop at the end of the second to last chapter? Would it not bug you to know what happened in the last chapter? Well this is similar if we do not do this we will always be asking ourselves what if we had tried IVF? What if it had worked? At the end of the day if it makes me too sick then I will have to pull out but there is a chance that it will work and whenever there is that no matter how slim chance then we will give it a go. If however it does not work then we shall go down the adoption route. If it is meant to be it is meant to be and in that case there will be a sibling group out there that needs us. We have said that we will only try to conceive once and if it results in one biological child then we shall be happy. Before all of this I would say that I would never just want a single child and ideally I would want 3 children. But now we have been though so much we would just appreciate one. It’s funny how things that you have been through can change your perspective on life and appreciate the more simple things and not take them for granted.
It’s funny I thought that many people with endometriosis have been through this. However this just proves how carried the disease is and how it affects different people in different ways. Take when I came round in recovery this time. The recovery team were impressed with 1 litre of fluid that came out of the cyst. As were the midwives and nurses on the maternity ward. They also commented on how much I had been through in the past few years. I see it differently tough, yes I have been though a lot but it is nothing extra ordinary in my eyes because I am the one going through it. After all if you are going through whatever it is you take it one step at a time for your natural instinct is to get through it. And when something else happens and you feel that this time you cannot get through it again you just need to look at what you have been through before and how far you have got and you will get through this new thing again and the next time. I just have to say that you should never judge anyone until you have spent a full day walking in their footsteps. If you are still standing by the end of that day try another. If after a week of following that persons footsteps and you are still standing as high as they are then you are in the position to judge. But by then you would not judge because you would understand why that person is like they are because that is just one week in their whole life. And they have walked their journey one step at a time every day of their lives and they have got to where they are now. After every up and every down some people have more ups and some more downs. You just have to keep strong even when you do not feel it you are strong to get through the rough and believe it or not the smooth will come whether it is today, tomorrow, next month or next year I promise you it will come.
Knowing that I am to be out that night to celebrate the New Year coming in with friends and family I had an afternoon nap totalling my sleep to about 4 hours. If I am completely honest I could have done without going out I still felt nauseous and tired. I could easily have sat at home with a cup of Horlicks, my duvet and watch the New Year come in on the television. But I made the effort. I got dressed up, make up to hide the pale tired look (I do not normally wear make-up but felt I had to hide the sick look to stop the questions coming). I did say that I would see how I got on and if I got too bad I would go home, I was not drinking anyway. I had my painkillers and heat pads in my bag which were needed. I did bloat out and at one stage I felt like I was going to be sick but I was not, thankfully.
About 11.30pm I started to feel a tad better and by the time midnight came I was up on the dancefloor having a really good time. It was a really good night with great company. We got home about 2.00am and in bed after 3.00am
About 5.30am I did have really bad pains in my pelvis, abdomen going round to my lower back and bum cheeks. I managed to get the pain under control with Naproxen, Paracetamol and heat pads. I then dozed until 10:45am before getting out of bed. When I got up I felt so good and full of energy. Long may it continue!
I am back to work after 33 days off (a mixture of sick and holiday). Last night I got home at 8.45pm my kidneys were very sore and I had to take a naproxen to ease the pain enough so that I could get some sleep. I managed to get a full night’s sleep right up to about 4.00am from which I just dozed off for short amounts of time right up to 7.00am, when it was time to get up and ready for work.
My pain was at a low level right up to about 10.00am when it started to get worse again and when I went for a wee about lunchtime it hit a 7 or 8 on the pain scale. On the way home I dropped a urine sample to my GP as requested when I rang her this morning. The pain has been going on now constantly since the 5th December 2014. Even though the pain has still been there I have kept putting off calling them, but this morning I finally done it. Even as I was dialling the number I felt that I could just be wasting their time. I did tell the doctor that I was not sure if it was worth calling of not. She offered me an appointment as this long after antibiotics in pain is not normal but the time she offered I could not get out of work so she asked me to drop a sample off for her to test. I am now just waiting for a phone call from her to tell me if the sample of clear of not. I have two long 11 hour shifts Friday and Saturday. Just hope I can keep my pain levels under control especially as my period was due on the 6th January and it is now the 8th January. Anyway it cannot be as bad as last month surely.
The doctor rang me back about 7.00pm she said that whilst the sample I gave was not bad it is not good either. There is an infection there the good news is that it is not raging like it was before Christmas. The infection levels are almost the same as what they were last time I saw the doctor. She has written a prescription for yet more antibiotics that I need to pick up first thing in the morning. If I get worse or still not feeling right by the time I have finished the course of antibiotics then I have to call back and she will see me.
Today is the 8th January 2015 and I was sent home from work with this infection on 5th December 2014 that’s a whole month with this infection. This really needs to do one.
Today I made it into work and right up to 6:10pm when the pain was too much and during service I had to rush to the toilet and was sick. Obviously dealing with food I was sent home after this. I drove home but I had to stop at my mums because I could not cope with the pain and felt so sick again. I deemed it dangerous to continue driving (especially as I was driving down the duel carriageway). I let myself into my mums and said to mum that I could not drive anymore. She asked why and took one look at me as I walked through the door, she asked if I wanted an ambulance. I remember muttering I do not know and the next thing I remember is rushing down to the bathroom and was sick again. Mum called my husband, however he was unable to drive as he had had a drink but was with a friend’s son who kindly drove us to Accident and Emergency by which time I was in agony.
In Accident and Emergency they gave me Basipam, anti-sickness and morphine injection, which made my pain go from off the scale right down to a bearable 2. However it was not before long when the pain started to creep back up again. They done an X-ray on my stomach. The blood tests they took showed a raised white blood cell count which means that there is an infection about however a urine test did not they said that this could be down to the antibiotics that I have been taking. They were unsure if this was an infection or to do with my endometriosis or both. They wanted to do am internal examination. I warned them that I find these extremely painful on a normal day. The gynaecologist asked me if I had ever had Equinox (Gas and Air) with an examination I said that I had not and I was willing to try anything. I had the internal examination with the Equinox and although it was sore I could tolerate the pain either that or the Equinox made me not give a flying monkeys about it. The examination was clear.
By now the pain had gone crazy and I was begging for pain relief. They had given me the maximum Oramorph that they could. I was also given other painkillers that took the edge off but still I was very sore.
I am now in in the Surgical Unit and just seen the doctor. He done an internal rectal examination and said that all was clear. He wants to do scans on my kidneys, and ovaries as they still are unsure if it is a gynaecological problem (in other words to do with my endometriosis), a strong kidney infection that just needs stronger antibiotics and was undertreated, an infection somewhere else or kidney stones. He said that because of my complex medical history it is hard to find out what is going on but what is clear is that something is not right at all.
He said that he will make sure that I have enough painkillers/relief to get me through the night and tomorrow I will have my scan. This is crazy I would never have thought back on the 5th December that the infection I had would have led to this another night stay in hospital.
Yesterday they were telling me that I was showing signs of a gynaecological problem, kidney infection or kidney stones but not all of the signs pointed to just one thing. I had my ultra sound scan and it showed that all this is down to my endometriosis. I have got a 9cm endometrioma on my left ovary. I am on IV antibiotics still just in case if I have also got an infection as well. It looks like I am going to have to have yet ANOTHER operation. My gynaecologist came to see me and he said that it depends on what happens when they go inside me on how drastic of an operation I will need. He wanted to transfer me up to the gynaecology ward, however there was no free beds so was put on the maternity ward (still to do with the gynaecology ward). I was the only one in the bay when I came up to the ward, now there are 2 others. They said that there are no antenatal women in this bay, it is being used as an overflow bay but saying that there are antenatal women on the ward. I am now once again Nil-By-Mouth and waiting for my gynaecologist to come and see me this morning.
The pain last night and this morning has been awful. Nothing they have given me seems to be easing the pain at all even heating up Penny Panda has not helped. Eventually we managed to get the pain back under control. The nurses are doing a brilliant job. I have had some lactulose and a suppository to hopefully help me to have a bowel movement. I have finally had a very small pellet like one but small is better than nothing.
I am waiting for my operation now. They moved me yesterday into a side room so they could re-open the bay I was in for antenatal again as the other 2 people that were in the bay with me were discharged.
When my gynaecologist came to see me he said that because of what happened last time they treated a cyst on me, he would like to do as minimal as possible so not to cause any complications. He will drain and the cyst. He has also suggested that it may be a good idea to put me on a hormone suppressant injection to be on until we start the IVF. This sounds like a good idea to me.
I am home finally home after 4 days in hospital. I was told in the morning that I could go home. I just needed to wait for my discharge papers, tablets from pharmacy and we decided to put me back on the Prostrap injection. I have been signed off work for 2 weeks and if I need longer then I just need to go to my GP and ask. My throat is a bit sore so I have got some throat sweats this is due to the tubes that they put down the throat during the anaesthetic. I have been prescribed Paracetamol, codeine phosphate 30mg, ibuprofen 400mg, Movicol and lactulose. The doctor said that I should leave it a couple more days without a bowel movement then I should go to my GP. If I starts showing signs of sickness and pain like before then I should go to accident and emergency straight away. She advised me to air on the side of caution more than she would advise anyone else because of my history.
All of my tablets arrived in the afternoon, however the pharmacy did not have any Prostrap so they had to contact my gynaecologist to change the injection to Zoladex.
The pharmacy took their time with the Zoladex because of getting the change of prescription and to be honest pharmacy are never quick about getting the prescriptions out. When it finally arrived in the late afternoon we had to wait for a doctor to inject it as a nurse could not.
Finally when a gynaecologist arrived (one that I have not had before) to do the injection he told me that it had to go into my stomach. I asked as I had just had my operation if it could go into my right side. My stomach was bloated and sore from the operation so I was very nervous about this one, also because I do not like people touching my stomach at the best of times let alone when they are about to stick a needle into it. Normally I am ok with injections after all I have had enough blood tests, cannulas, and injections in the last few years to last me a lifetime. I held my husbands hand during this one, the gynaecologist told me that it would be a quick short sharp scratch. HE LIED!!!!!! I would rather of him tell me that it is going to hurt than lie. I never call out with injections in fact I never even flinch. But with this injection I did both when he inserted it and when he removed the needle. This injection actually brought a tear to my eye. I looked up at the wrong time and saw the needle. I did not want to see it as I knew that I am going to have to have this monthly. I wish I had never seen the bloody thing it is HUGE. There was no way that this injection was going to be a short sharp scratch even my husband said that he would have struggled with that one. The midwife that had been looking after me during the day came in after the doctor had left to see if I was OK. My side room was right next to the nurse’s station. She said that she heard a woman call out and wondered if it was one of her ladies that had started labour. OOOPS!!! I did not realise I called out that loud. Anyway all in all I am ok now just sore on both my left and right side now instead of just my left side.
It is so good to be back home with my husband and Fernando I feel more tired this morning and drained than I have done but I think it is more to do with having to go up and down the stairs when I need the loo. It is so hard to be good and not over doo things at home, because I am not feeling sick in fact I am feeling more myself than I have done in a long time. I did not realise how bad I was feeling until now. But I know that I must behave myself or I shall do some damage and end up back in hospital if I am not careful.
My gynaecologist told me that our request for NHS funding has been accepted and approved. I am so happy words cannot explain how over the moon I am about this.
I cannot remember if I mentioned earlier about what my gynaecologist said he found when he operated on me. Just in case I did not I shall say now but apologise if I am repeating myself.
The 9cm cyst on my left ovary was full of 1 litre of fluid which he drained and deroofed. There is a high chance that it shall fill up again how quickly they do not know, baring in mind this had only taken 4 months to get to this stage. On top of this my endometriosis in the last 4 months (since my clear out in September 2014) has got really bad and severe. He could have cleared out out whilst sorting out the cyst but for several reasons he chose not to touch it.
Reason 1 – The operation would have been a much bigger operation that would have taken longer to heal which in turn could more than likely delay the IVF process.
Reason 2 – The last time I had a large cyst and clear out was in 2013 when I had my complications with my bowel so there is a risk that I would have a repeat of that again. If complications like that happen again then the IVF will certainly delay the IVF. Also there is no way that I would want to go through that again I would not even wish it upon my worst enemy.
I know that at some point I will need to have this endometriosis cleared up and it will be a big operation, but not just yet. This is why I am on the Zoladex give my body a rest before the IVF starts. The reassurance of my endometriosis this quickly is apparently unusual especially for it to be this severe so early after my last laparoscopy.
I must admit now that it does worry me that I may not get on well with the IVF treatment. I have had a brief look into what IVF entails. The first part I doubt I would have a problem with because they dull down your hormones like I am on now, however the next stage I am worried about because I fear that it could make me ill again. You take hormones to increase the production of eggs. This part scares me because I am worried that the hormones will affect my endometriosis, in a bad way. Fingers crossed that it does not and that I will be able to complete the IVF course without being too sick and hopefully it resulting with having a successful pregnancy that gives us a healthy baby this is the last chance saloon, before we give up and go down the adoption route. Some people would ask why not call it a day now? Why not just adopt now? Why keep putting your body though this? Well the answer is simple!!!! We have come so far and been through so much to just give up now. If we said enough is enough now then what has all this been for?
Another way to put it is why would you read a book but stop at the end of the second to last chapter? Would it not bug you to know what happened in the last chapter? Well this is similar if we do not do this we will always be asking ourselves what if we had tried IVF? What if it had worked? At the end of the day if it makes me too sick then I will have to pull out but there is a chance that it will work and whenever there is that no matter how slim chance then we will give it a go. If however it does not work then we shall go down the adoption route. If it is meant to be it is meant to be and in that case there will be a sibling group out there that needs us. We have said that we will only try to conceive once and if it results in one biological child then we shall be happy. Before all of this I would say that I would never just want a single child and ideally I would want 3 children. But now we have been though so much we would just appreciate one. It’s funny how things that you have been through can change your perspective on life and appreciate the more simple things and not take them for granted.
It’s funny I thought that many people with endometriosis have been through this. However this just proves how carried the disease is and how it affects different people in different ways. Take when I came round in recovery this time. The recovery team were impressed with 1 litre of fluid that came out of the cyst. As were the midwives and nurses on the maternity ward. They also commented on how much I had been through in the past few years. I see it differently tough, yes I have been though a lot but it is nothing extra ordinary in my eyes because I am the one going through it. After all if you are going through whatever it is you take it one step at a time for your natural instinct is to get through it. And when something else happens and you feel that this time you cannot get through it again you just need to look at what you have been through before and how far you have got and you will get through this new thing again and the next time. I just have to say that you should never judge anyone until you have spent a full day walking in their footsteps. If you are still standing by the end of that day try another. If after a week of following that persons footsteps and you are still standing as high as they are then you are in the position to judge. But by then you would not judge because you would understand why that person is like they are because that is just one week in their whole life. And they have walked their journey one step at a time every day of their lives and they have got to where they are now. After every up and every down some people have more ups and some more downs. You just have to keep strong even when you do not feel it you are strong to get through the rough and believe it or not the smooth will come whether it is today, tomorrow, next month or next year I promise you it will come.