March 2013
1st March was my dad’s birthday and I had asked my husband to get a birthday card for him which I gave to him when he visited that day.
By 2nd March I had been in hospital for 16 days (with my day release as me and the nurses called it). And I think I was starting to acclimatise to the hospital because I asked my husband to bring me a dressing gown. I was getting chilly as I sat up in my chair. The night before he had brought me a card so I could watch TV so I had something to do. I feel there are 2 signs to say you have been in hospital way too long:-
The best thing that you look forward to when you are in the hospital is the weekend. This is because the visiting times are longer. Instead of just 6.30pm to 8.30pm during the week it is 12.30 – 8.00 but most people would stay until 8.30. Less things happen on the weekend unless you are an emergency.
During the mornings I was still being washed in my chair. The aspiration of my tube continued with the amount of bile being removed varying between hardly nothing to 190ml I even had 490ml and the highest amount removed was about 580ml I think.
On the Saturday my husband visited me during the day and my parents visited me during the evenings. That night I got a craving. I was chatting to my parents when I suddenly got the smell doughnuts. I asked one of the nurses if someone had brought any doughnuts in. she said no. I have no idea where the smell came from maybe it was the drugs I was on who knows. But what I do know is from that point onwards I really wanted Sainsbury’s doughnuts – the jam ones. The downside to that is I was still sips only. It felt like torture having a craving and not being able to do anything about it. I did not get a doughnut until I left hospital.
I can see I have got my timings mixed up I got weighed on 3rd March and had gone from 49kg to 52kg due to the fluids. Talking of fluids on that day when my husband visited we noticed that my right hand was starting to swell where the cannula was. The nurse said that it was due to the fluids. Whilst my husband was there the cannula started to ache. The nurse wanted to keep it in as long as possible as it was getting harder and harder to cannula me/get blood out of me. Sometimes even the pathologist could not get enough/any blood from me. Later that day they had to remove the cannula and tried to put another one in several times, but failed. They had to wait for an anaesthetist to come and try. If he could not do it then they were talking about putting a permanent one in my neck. When I was told this I just remember looking at my sister in-law wide-eyed. My husband had gone and she had visited. I was glad she was there as I could look at her and talk to her whilst they were trying to get the cannula in as they had to try several times and each time ached. After this she had to go to work. All the time I did not have my cannula in I could not have any pain relief just the morphine. As well as the morphine I was also on IV Paracetamol (only 3 times a day because I was now so skinny). The morphine was going through another cannula.
Later that day my aunt and mum came to visit me that day and kept laughing and making me laugh. Like I have said before a nasty habit of our family. They made me laugh so much that I actually asked the nurse if they kept making me laugh would the get kicked out (I may add that I was joking but serious at the same time) and she said if it was hurting me (which she could see it was) then yes. After they left I was very sore and still waiting to get my cannula in. I had gone most of the afternoon without it now.
I watched a film and then flicked over to Call the Midwife. My husband and I always watched this together and why should this be different even though he was at home and I was in the hospital. We had agreed to both watch it. I know it is not the same but it was as good as we could have at the time it did make me feel closer to him. We done this several times whilst I was in hospital. During Call the Midwife the anaesthetist came and successfully managed to get a cannula in. whilst watching the programme we were imagining that we were sitting curled up on the sofa together. It was around this time that it dawned on me that since we had been together we had not spent so long apart.
By now when they aspirated my NG tube it was smelling blackcurranty because I had been drinking blackcurrant squash and sucking on blackcurrant throat sweets.
This was also the first day I was able to have a shower. I was shattered just walking to the shower. I really felt like I needed one even though I had had washes in the chair it did not feel as good as a proper shower. They then sat me down and the 2 nurses showered me.
On 4th March they changed my mattress to one of those that move air in it to stop bed sores as I had been in bed for so long. I loved the new mattress straight away it was higher and more firm than the others. I wondered if they would miss it when I was discharged, I am sure they would not notice. I was given the mattress later in the evening and when I got into bed after it was given to me the nurse asked if I wanted the sides up as the bed was now higher and I had had a lot of morphine. I said that I would be OK. I did not think I was doped up on morphine but I must have been or she would not have said that.
On this day I managed to walk to the shower room but could only have a wash as I had trapped wind. The nurses wanted to give me a peppermint drink to ease it but this was not possible because I was still only allowed sips. So instead they allowed me to suck on extra strong mints.
It was now the morning of 5th March and the night before I had had a so-so night. I sort of slept (half sitting up) but the NG tube was still keeping me awake at night. Today the doctors must have been getting concerned about my weight as I had not eaten properly for 22 days. They mentioned the main cannula again as well as a food drip. My cannulas were now lasting a maximum of a day, I remember one had lasted 2 hours before it went. They also organised for the nutritionist to come and have a look at me.
I think over the next few days the nutritionist and surgeon were having a bit of an argument as she wanted to see how I got on with these drinks called Fortisip. Fortisip drinks are made for advanced medical nutrition. The range is dedicated to being a nutritionally complete, high energy or protein supplement for the management of disease related malnutrition. They come in a variety of different flavours. As well as the Fortisip drinks she also put me on a vitamin drip. She said that she did not want to put me on a food drip if she could avoid it. Before this I had been hoping that I was to be eating by the end of the week and by the weekend be at home. I was now starting to want food. On the Saturday my aunt was to have a family meal and on Sunday was Mother’s Day. That was my aim to be out by the Sunday because it was the first Mother’s Day after my husbands mum had passed away and I wanted to be with him to give him support for that like the support he had given me though all of this. The Fortisips I found tasted very dry but I did enjoy the yogurty ones, however I could not have too many of those because I was still lactose intolerant. I was hoping that the whole thing with my bowel had reset my digestive system and I would be able to tolerate dairy but sadly this was not so.
When I was told that it was going to be at least another 5 days before I was allowed to start eating I was gutted and asked my husband to buy me a Mother’s Day card for my mum. It was getting harder and harder to say good bye to my husband when visiting time was over, because I knew it was to be a whole day before I would see him again for a couple of hours. I was now able to sit up in my chair most of the morning and would lay in my bed in the afternoon/evening. I was still struggling to have a shower on my own. I was able to wash most of myself but would have to get the nurses to help on my back and legs and to help me change. Sometime I would almost faint when I washed myself and always struggled to walk back. I assume this is because I was still very weak and tired. A couple of times I was supported by one or even two nurses and helped to sit down on the commode where they would then push me to my bed. One of these times I remember walking out of the shower room with one of the nurses and went so light headed that the nurse and one of the gynaecologists that was working at the desk at the nurse’s station helped me sit on the chair at the desk (normally not allowed).
At one stage I did ask one of the nurses why I was feeling the way I did. She said that my body had been through so much and this is what happens when your body goes septic.
SEPTIC!!!??? That cannot be right can it? My body had not gone septic had it? Well I guess the answer to that is yes. If you look at it the way that my body needed to get rid of all the poo that had built up behind the blockage but could not get rid of it. I I suppose it made sense. It was at that point that I realised that maybe, just maybe, I was sicker than I thought I was.
By 2nd March I had been in hospital for 16 days (with my day release as me and the nurses called it). And I think I was starting to acclimatise to the hospital because I asked my husband to bring me a dressing gown. I was getting chilly as I sat up in my chair. The night before he had brought me a card so I could watch TV so I had something to do. I feel there are 2 signs to say you have been in hospital way too long:-
- You do not feel hot on the ward and find yourself saying that it is a bit chilly in here today.
- You know the times of shift changes. Tea and meal times, lights on and off and your hospital number. I could now say that off my heart.
The best thing that you look forward to when you are in the hospital is the weekend. This is because the visiting times are longer. Instead of just 6.30pm to 8.30pm during the week it is 12.30 – 8.00 but most people would stay until 8.30. Less things happen on the weekend unless you are an emergency.
During the mornings I was still being washed in my chair. The aspiration of my tube continued with the amount of bile being removed varying between hardly nothing to 190ml I even had 490ml and the highest amount removed was about 580ml I think.
On the Saturday my husband visited me during the day and my parents visited me during the evenings. That night I got a craving. I was chatting to my parents when I suddenly got the smell doughnuts. I asked one of the nurses if someone had brought any doughnuts in. she said no. I have no idea where the smell came from maybe it was the drugs I was on who knows. But what I do know is from that point onwards I really wanted Sainsbury’s doughnuts – the jam ones. The downside to that is I was still sips only. It felt like torture having a craving and not being able to do anything about it. I did not get a doughnut until I left hospital.
I can see I have got my timings mixed up I got weighed on 3rd March and had gone from 49kg to 52kg due to the fluids. Talking of fluids on that day when my husband visited we noticed that my right hand was starting to swell where the cannula was. The nurse said that it was due to the fluids. Whilst my husband was there the cannula started to ache. The nurse wanted to keep it in as long as possible as it was getting harder and harder to cannula me/get blood out of me. Sometimes even the pathologist could not get enough/any blood from me. Later that day they had to remove the cannula and tried to put another one in several times, but failed. They had to wait for an anaesthetist to come and try. If he could not do it then they were talking about putting a permanent one in my neck. When I was told this I just remember looking at my sister in-law wide-eyed. My husband had gone and she had visited. I was glad she was there as I could look at her and talk to her whilst they were trying to get the cannula in as they had to try several times and each time ached. After this she had to go to work. All the time I did not have my cannula in I could not have any pain relief just the morphine. As well as the morphine I was also on IV Paracetamol (only 3 times a day because I was now so skinny). The morphine was going through another cannula.
Later that day my aunt and mum came to visit me that day and kept laughing and making me laugh. Like I have said before a nasty habit of our family. They made me laugh so much that I actually asked the nurse if they kept making me laugh would the get kicked out (I may add that I was joking but serious at the same time) and she said if it was hurting me (which she could see it was) then yes. After they left I was very sore and still waiting to get my cannula in. I had gone most of the afternoon without it now.
I watched a film and then flicked over to Call the Midwife. My husband and I always watched this together and why should this be different even though he was at home and I was in the hospital. We had agreed to both watch it. I know it is not the same but it was as good as we could have at the time it did make me feel closer to him. We done this several times whilst I was in hospital. During Call the Midwife the anaesthetist came and successfully managed to get a cannula in. whilst watching the programme we were imagining that we were sitting curled up on the sofa together. It was around this time that it dawned on me that since we had been together we had not spent so long apart.
By now when they aspirated my NG tube it was smelling blackcurranty because I had been drinking blackcurrant squash and sucking on blackcurrant throat sweets.
This was also the first day I was able to have a shower. I was shattered just walking to the shower. I really felt like I needed one even though I had had washes in the chair it did not feel as good as a proper shower. They then sat me down and the 2 nurses showered me.
On 4th March they changed my mattress to one of those that move air in it to stop bed sores as I had been in bed for so long. I loved the new mattress straight away it was higher and more firm than the others. I wondered if they would miss it when I was discharged, I am sure they would not notice. I was given the mattress later in the evening and when I got into bed after it was given to me the nurse asked if I wanted the sides up as the bed was now higher and I had had a lot of morphine. I said that I would be OK. I did not think I was doped up on morphine but I must have been or she would not have said that.
On this day I managed to walk to the shower room but could only have a wash as I had trapped wind. The nurses wanted to give me a peppermint drink to ease it but this was not possible because I was still only allowed sips. So instead they allowed me to suck on extra strong mints.
It was now the morning of 5th March and the night before I had had a so-so night. I sort of slept (half sitting up) but the NG tube was still keeping me awake at night. Today the doctors must have been getting concerned about my weight as I had not eaten properly for 22 days. They mentioned the main cannula again as well as a food drip. My cannulas were now lasting a maximum of a day, I remember one had lasted 2 hours before it went. They also organised for the nutritionist to come and have a look at me.
I think over the next few days the nutritionist and surgeon were having a bit of an argument as she wanted to see how I got on with these drinks called Fortisip. Fortisip drinks are made for advanced medical nutrition. The range is dedicated to being a nutritionally complete, high energy or protein supplement for the management of disease related malnutrition. They come in a variety of different flavours. As well as the Fortisip drinks she also put me on a vitamin drip. She said that she did not want to put me on a food drip if she could avoid it. Before this I had been hoping that I was to be eating by the end of the week and by the weekend be at home. I was now starting to want food. On the Saturday my aunt was to have a family meal and on Sunday was Mother’s Day. That was my aim to be out by the Sunday because it was the first Mother’s Day after my husbands mum had passed away and I wanted to be with him to give him support for that like the support he had given me though all of this. The Fortisips I found tasted very dry but I did enjoy the yogurty ones, however I could not have too many of those because I was still lactose intolerant. I was hoping that the whole thing with my bowel had reset my digestive system and I would be able to tolerate dairy but sadly this was not so.
When I was told that it was going to be at least another 5 days before I was allowed to start eating I was gutted and asked my husband to buy me a Mother’s Day card for my mum. It was getting harder and harder to say good bye to my husband when visiting time was over, because I knew it was to be a whole day before I would see him again for a couple of hours. I was now able to sit up in my chair most of the morning and would lay in my bed in the afternoon/evening. I was still struggling to have a shower on my own. I was able to wash most of myself but would have to get the nurses to help on my back and legs and to help me change. Sometime I would almost faint when I washed myself and always struggled to walk back. I assume this is because I was still very weak and tired. A couple of times I was supported by one or even two nurses and helped to sit down on the commode where they would then push me to my bed. One of these times I remember walking out of the shower room with one of the nurses and went so light headed that the nurse and one of the gynaecologists that was working at the desk at the nurse’s station helped me sit on the chair at the desk (normally not allowed).
At one stage I did ask one of the nurses why I was feeling the way I did. She said that my body had been through so much and this is what happens when your body goes septic.
SEPTIC!!!??? That cannot be right can it? My body had not gone septic had it? Well I guess the answer to that is yes. If you look at it the way that my body needed to get rid of all the poo that had built up behind the blockage but could not get rid of it. I I suppose it made sense. It was at that point that I realised that maybe, just maybe, I was sicker than I thought I was.